Why I'm writing this?
I'm writing these lines because I love you. I can't forget you. You are a part of me, and you have left an indelible mark on my being.
I hope that someday you can read this.
I apologize if I haven't been writing to you. It hurts to think that I'm just one more person to you now.
I am hurt, as a result of causing you pain.
I never intended to destroy us; I think I ended up self-destructing by allowing this to happen. I want to apologize for all the pain I've caused you. I could never fully open up, share my thoughts, or pause to contemplate what was happening. I've been analyzing my past and who I was. You're right, I need to heal. However, healing doesn't mean forgetting you or replacing your skin, your lips, your kisses, your hugs.
I feel broken inside, and all I'm left with are my memories, my regrets, my shame, and the sadness caused by everything that led us to this point.
But there's something I'll never forget: you. Your essence, your personality, your laughter, your gaze, your skin.
I ask for forgiveness for every mistake I made. I'm sorry for scaring you with my flaws, which I see now, and I'm willing to work on them every day to become a better man. A man capable of offering pure love and controlling that self-destructive impulsiveness that consumes me.
I love you, and I regret not being more, not being able to give you the love you deserved and longed for. Today, I'm willing to change, to become what I desire to be. For myself, because I know that if I do it for myself, perhaps, just perhaps, if destiny allows it, I can give you that love.
Today, my mind is in the clouds, thinking that all this can't be real, wishing to wake up from this nightmare. I love you so much that it hurts not to receive your messages, your good mornings, your calls. It hurts not to be able to feel you, not to be able to touch or see you, or simply know how your day was and when we will meet again.
I miss every last detail of the good things we had. I don't miss the bad; I just want to heal and repair it. I wake up sad, thinking if you've already replaced me, if you've already forgotten me, if you're spending time with others. You know what? I think I'm even a bit selfish. I lost you, and I know you deserve the best, even if, perhaps for now, the best isn't me.
I love you, I love you, and I love you. Puppy's forever.
With love, F.
Published on 23/07/2023