Hey D,
It's been a while since I last wrote here, and I know you've been waiting for me to do so. I'm saddened that we're upset with each other and that you've blocked me everywhere for hours.
I think we've talked several times about blocking, and I believe you don't understand how this feels. But I remember it bothered you a lot when I did it.
I love you deeply; you are the love of my life. That's why I don't let my pride get in the way for too long.
I know I need to apologize for saying things that were unnecessary. I'm sorry. I had a bad day too, and for a couple of days, I've been tired of thinking that when you're not with me, you're constantly suspecting me of cheating.
It upsets me because it doesn't make sense for you to do that. You might have your doubts, but feeling accused or thinking all the time about how I might be deceiving you is not good for you, for me, or for us.
I have my doubts about you too, and I'm sorry if I was angry today. But I want you to understand that what happened a few days ago hurt my heart. And I'm trying to heal in my way, as you feel attacked and that's why I don't bring it up in a way we can 'talk' about it.
I know you love me a lot, and you enjoy being with me. But forgive me if I have my doubts after seeing certain things. It bothers me that you can't understand that, especially when one of your reasons for leaving me in the past was related to those things.
I was really upset that you brought up things from the past again. It makes me feel like you don't see my efforts to change. You need to understand that your jokes about such things aren't funny to me because I know deep down you have negative thoughts. In reality, you are 100% of my life. And I chose you because I love you and you mostly make me feel good.
I know you have your difficult days, and so do I.
I love you so much, and I'm not angry with you anymore. It's pointless to waste time, a limited resource in this life, being upset.
I love you passionately and hope that someday you can see it and stop being blind.
Again, I apologize for saying things I shouldn't have and for continuing the argument. Neither of us knows how to put a healthy stop to it. And we always end up like this, but I hope that someday we can both change.
I love you, have a beautiful night.
I'll love you forever.
With love,
F
Published on 15/12/2023